Name That Scent


“Fragrance reviews are silly. Fragrance marketing is even sillier. So from now on, we’ll be crowd sourcing our fragrance reviews. Read on to find out what our office thought about the latest sample to land on our desk. This week, we’re sniffing Jessica Simpson‘s Vintage Bloom.”

Fragrance: Vintage Bloom, $49 – $65

What Simpson thinks it smells like: “Vintage Bloom captures the scent of flowers in the air — a freshly cut bouquet of fragrant blossoms, long treasured emblems of romance, now captured in a fragrance that is the very essence of America’s sweetheart.”

What we think it smells like:

  • “It reminds me of young girls trying to act grown up and wearing perfume. This is what their ‘first perfume’ would smell like.”
  • “It smells like middle school to me, it’s really fruity. It’s like fruit and flowers, like a gift basket.”
  • “It’s like pressed and preserved flowers.”
  • “It smells like sugar and Windex.”
  • “My stuffy Italian great-aunt’s tea party. Or just all of my Italian great-aunts, like old ladies.”
  • “It smells like my great-aunt. Not my grandmother, but her cat lady sister.”
  • “Smells like when you’re at a gathering of middle aged women, and there’s a general waft of perfume. It’s all the same.”
  • “Floral, and a mix of every perfume like you’re department store. Someone poured a bunch into a bottle, mixed it all together, and came up with this.”
  • “Feels like im getting smooched by a bunch of grandmas. Like younger grandmas, like grandmothers that skew on the younger side. Like grandmothers trying to beat me up and I’m fighting them.”
  • “Floral and boring.”
  • “Fruity and like bubble bath, or cotton candy. Like Starburst.”
  • “Smells like a Chico’s or Talbots.”
  • “It smells like manufactured scent, like it came out big plastic jug.”
  • “Smells like an older lady would like.”
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11 responses to “Name That Scent

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